True Love

--A word of caution.  I am writing this for my own memories and for my children.  I want my sons to be like their Dad, and I can truly say that I pray my daughter finds a man such as the one the Lord has blessed me with.  So, for those who are not in the mood, I suggest you skip over this post because this is the kind that comes from the heart and gets a little mushy.--

Before I met Derek, I thought I understood love.  

I can tell you right now, I didn't. 

I didn't know what it was, and I certainly didn't know how to accept it.

Not understanding true love has been the stumbling block that has kept me from experiencing some really special moments I could have had in my marriage.  

I know how love feels and I feel it deeply; deeper than I ever would have believed possible.

No, I understand how to feel it. 

What I have found difficult to understand is how to accept it.

For some unknown reason there are times when I feel a wall in my heart. 

Now, this wall has not been blocking the way for love to go out, but hedging up the way for love to come flowing in.

It's only just recently that I have found this out about myself, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to see.

But here is the sad and pitiful truth....

When I hear the words "I love you" I smile, and I say, "I love you too" back, 

because I do feel love; 

but what goes on inside of me are all the reasons why that person should not love me.  

Sometimes I even worry that that person is only saying I love you out of obligation.

Very sad, yes I know.  

Very foolish, yes, I know.

Unfair? Completely.  Not only to myself, but to the one who truly loves me.  

It pains me to realize how cruel this is to him.

What is the cause?  

I suppose it's a weakness of mine.  Something I must overcome.

Now having told you of this skeleton in my closet,  I wish to tell you why it's going to be alright.

Derek.

The Lord has blessed me with Derek.

I believe he is the only person on this planet who would have ever loved me enough to see my potential and keep that eternal perspective.  

I need him.

You see, he knew this about me a long time before I did, even before we were married he was aware of my sillyness and he decided to marry me anyway.

He loves me and is willing to stick this out with me.

Derek has taught me about love.

He has taught me about love and all of it's possibilities.

He loves me unconditionally, and he has certainly had to!

He loves me though I have been emotional, bossy, eccentric, and at times.... let's just say he could've said, "She's got a great personality." :)

And through all of this and plenty more, Derek has never made me feel less than the best.

He's always been there to hold me and give me words of comfort; words that have meant more to me than humanly possible to say.  

He understands me and my problems better than anyone else, and he doesn't resent my crazy times, he just helps me through them.

He is my best friend, and I love him.

All of us have some kind of insecurity or some kind of quirk that, to the masses, would seem quite annoying and not worth the trouble; but to the one that truly loves YOU, it's no trouble.
 

True love is not just about passion and roses.  It's about the small quite peace that you feel when that person is around.  The small and seemingly insignificant touches of the hand.  The diapers you didn't have to change.  It's in the eyes, even when their is no smile to accompany. 

True love looks past the ugly, the grumpy and chooses to see something better, something greater,

 something eternal.

It is about those times when life is not easy, and you continue on with the one you love anyway.

Everyone has hard times, everyone has to try. 

True love is so great, so perfect, so pure it would be foolish to think it would come at no cost.

I know I don't have all the answers, but I also know that that just doesn't matter.

What matters is that I open my eyes to see that the Lord has blessed me with what I need to continue on in this life with hope.

He has guided and directed me throughout my life and has blessed me with a friend to walk the path of life with. 

He has given my friend the gift to love me, and the gift to teach it, and through the spirit I know I will learn. 

So today I say thank you.

Thank you my friend, thank you for your love.

And I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me this precious gift of

True Love.