34 Weeks Today

I went to the doctor yesterday and it was one I had never met before, but so far, she is my favorite!
She came in super nice and really interested to get to know me.  It felt nice.  She looked at all of my information and asked me questions...  She found out how big Callen was and I told her i'd had him at home and do you know what she said?  "Well good for you!!" and she said it with a smile and everything!  She actually sounded proud which is a far different reaction than any I have ever gotten.  Usually I just get a 'your crazy, do you know what could have happened?' face.   :)  It made me feel so safe and it made me trust her.  She wasn't judgmental and that felt good.
After I told her what had happened throughout the week, she asked me how old my kids were and if I had a mom around that could help out.  I told her no, and she said, 'so there's no way you could go on bed rest huh?'  Ultimately that's what she would like me to do at this point.  The good news is, it would only be for the next two weeks.  After that, I can do what I want.  I will be 36 weeks and I'm good to go at that point, and I can go into labor anytime.

The idea of bed rest is a funny thing though isn't it?  Just because the doctor says that that would be ideal, doesn't mean it's fathomable.  The advice to bed rest doesn't magically take away the other kids or the fact that your husband still needs to keep working.  It's frustrating in a way, because even though you know it's the right thing to do in your heart, the idea of needing so much help is intimidating and there is a very real part of me that feels it would just be easier to pretend she didn't say that and just go on with life like normal for the next two weeks.  It's only two weeks.  And there are things to do!  Next weekend I am supposed to go to the temple and then out to dinner with the family for my mother in law's birthday.  I am not going to sit out on that!  I get to just sit most of the time anyway right?  But, if I am going to do things like that, how could I possibly ask someone to help take care of my kids here and  there?  Wouldn't they feel like I am abusing the system??  I mean the doctor says the only thing I should be doing is going to my appointments for now, but I just can't commit to that.  I guess that is why she said 'well... rest when you can.'

The other part of me feels like I should heed the advice better, not only for the sake of staying pregnant, but for the sake of saving some kind of energy and health for when the baby actually does come around.  When I have a newborn along with all the other children that are already here.  I have a feeling that if I over-do it, maybe my baby won't come, but it will do damage in another way.  I honestly don't know what to do now.   With this pregnancy I feel like I have already been such a big burden on so many already.  I'm just plain embarrassed now.

Anyway, that is that.  She is growing well, the non-stress test went well and her heart rate is great!  They have scheduled those for the rest of the time.  I will go in two times a week until the baby is born. I didn't expect it to be so often, but it is fun to hear her little heart beating.  All in all, Derek is right.  When I told him I was sorry for how the chips have fallen he simply said that there was no need to apologize and that before we know it all of this will be over and Noelle will be six years old.  Isn't that the truth?  Sad, but true.  I am grateful for his love, and I am thankful for the Lord's love and hand in our lives.  All is well, all is well.