31 Weeks

I had a dream a couple of nights ago.
My little baby came out feet first and she was totally purple.  She pinked up real quick though and she was fine.
After that, I had to put her in some huge dress because I wasn't ready for her to come so I didn't have any newborn clothes ready.
Dreams.
It's only nine weeks away now.  If you think about it in months, it sounds like a long time away, but it's really not.  Remember that post when I said it was only 15 weeks away?  Yah, that was already six weeks ago.  Time sure flies and it is crazy.

Life is crazy in general right now.  Derek is working a lot more on the business, which is a really good thing, but he's been gone the last three weekends and I am tired.  No days off are kind of long days and I keep getting sick.  I can't seem to stay "healthy" longer than a week lately.  I believe the stress is killing me.  Oh well, we are truly blessed, and when I pray about why all of the sickness lately.... Not just me, but the kids as well...  I get this answer that gives me the feeling that this is only a matter of time.  It's just a trial we are meant to go through right now.  That is okay with me.  I love feeling the Lord's hand in my life, even if my life feels "uncomfortable" as long as I know He is aware of what is going on, and that He is in charge, because truly, He always is....  Than I can do anything.  With Him, I can do anything, and when I think about other people's trials, I will thankfully take mine.
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My dad once said that.

He said if every single person wrote down all of their trials on a piece of paper and threw them all in a gigantic container, we would jump for ours because we wouldn't want someone else's.  I believe our lives truly are in the Lord's hands, and He knows our own abilities and the lesson's that we are supposed to learn as individuals and the best way those lessons can be learned.  He doesn't give us trials for fun, they are for a purpose which purposes sometimes we know not.  Mostly we know not, but if we have faith, we can have joy and hope, even through those trials.
I don't know the reasons why some suffer so so greatly.  I pray for them.  I pray for them.  I know the Lord loves them too.

I just want to come out of this world a better person than I was when I arrived.
It is hard sometimes.  I believe I am meant to learn great love and patience.  I have so little patience for my kids sometimes it's ridiculous.  They are kids for goodness sake, and yet...  Like today, almost all of the frozen blueberries went all over the kitchen floor.  That was a little annoying, but the most annoying part wasn't the mess or the fact that those are a little expensive.  What I was a bit upset about was that the kid didn't even ask if he could have them.  If he had, perhaps the mess would have still happened, but it might not have if I had been allowed to explain where they were and how best to get them.

Or the constant fighting and yelling at each other.  It is so hard for me to stay patient which would probably be the reason for all the fuss with my kids and why they might not be so patient with each other.  The good news?  I am at least aware.  You can't change if you have no idea right?  I am at least aware and do make great effort in trying to handle situations with more patience and love rather than being upset.  I have a long way to go.  (In my defense, I am always a bit worse when the pregnancy hormones are running through me like a rushing river!)

I am thankful the "due date" is coming soon.  Not only to have my little girl, but because maybe I will become a little more sane.  Gosh I miss Derek right now.  My Valentine.  I didn't get to really spend time with him yesterday (Valentines Day) and today is like a joke.  Tomorrow is full as well.  Sunday, I love you, may I wait for you with patience and a smile.  :)