Had to Share what I Found

So, these are not my words, but I definitely share these feelings.  I saw this on my husbands Facebook page and I do not usually read articles, but this one…  Let's just say I felt drawn to it.  Hope you like it as much as I do…

"If I get to stay home, the house will always be clean, and I can learn to cook such great food," I said to my husband, Scott, at some point in the distant past. This was before I even got pregnant. So, like, back when I was a perfect mother.

We weren't sure I would be able to stay home with our first baby until right before he was born and we got the ok to move to Dallas from Northern Virginia. There was no way we could live off of one income up there, but in Dallas it became a reality. Sacrifices had to be made, for sure, but it was workable.

We moved into our house down here when Kendall was 8 weeks old. He was not an easy baby. Sleep was not bountiful. I spent much of the first year of his life a shade of my former self, stumbling through my days exhausted, catching naps when I could. The dishes didn't get done regularly. I didn't learn any new cooking skills. I didn't clean toilets. And many days, my husband came home to find me still in my yoga pants with no makeup on.

For a while, this caused me great guilt. What on earth was wrong with me that I couldn't get it together? This was my JOB now. I was a Stay At Home Mom, and I felt like I was failing. Looking back, I'm certain I was dealing with some postpartum anxiety, too.

Be sure, this was not because my husband made me feel this way. In fact, he'd often be the one reminding me that this was a huge adjustment for us, and that my only real job duty was to take care of our son. Everything else was gravy. I was a Stay At Home MOM. I was not a Stay At Home Mom/Maid/Cook/Supermodel.

When he got home from the office, he jumped right in. We split housekeeping duties 50/50. If we had a particularly sleepless night the night before, we'd alternate afternoon naps.

During work hours, we both had a job to do. His in an office, mine at home with our son. After work hours, we split parenting and everything that came with that (including housekeeping). It was, and still is, a true team effort.

I say all this NOT to tell anyone how to do their job. If you are a Stay At Home Parent who can manage to care for your children, your house, and your appearance all in an 8-hour work day, I applaud you. If that setup is truly filling your emotional cup, and making you feel great about the job you do, that is fantastic. But please, do not assume for one second that the parent who can't take on all these extra roles is somehow failing.

If striving to be the kind of stay at home parent who does it all is making you crazy, leaving you exhausted, and feeling like you're falling behind, I urge you to reconsider exactly what this job needs to entail. Then have a conversation about realistic expectations with your partner.

If you're struggling with what being a stay at home parent should mean, I want to tell you that I promise you're doing a better job than you think you are. I want to tell you to ignore blog posts that tell you you need to have full makeup on and a spotless house when your husband gets home from work.

I want to tell you that it says a lot more about a man's character than your mothering abilities if your husband thinks less of you for not changing out of yoga pants all day.

Give yourself some grace. Of course, strive to do the best you can. There will be days you do get it all done. It's an amazing feeling! But don't let it make you feel bad for the days you can't get it all done. Some days your biggest accomplishment will be rocking a toddler to sleep for a hard-fought nap. And that's nothing to be ashamed of."

Wasn't that great?

It's not that I think I should never have to get dressed and put makeup on, or that I think I should leave the house in shambles.  What I do think though, is that those days come more often than the ones where everything is perfect.  I rarely get dressed in jeans for the day.  Not because I can't fit in the time, but because they are uncomfortable.  I've had five babies, and even after just one the jeans just felt weird.  They are either a little too big, or a little too small depending on what state my body is in that day.  When I am uncomfortable, I am grumpy.  Jeans, by that definition, would then make me a bad mom.  Insert winky face.

It's difficult to clean a house and then see it just as messy (or worse) two hours later.  It's tiring.  ANYONE (men included) would go CRAZY out of their MIND if the hard work that they JUST put in was unraveled every.single.time.  The thought, "why do I even try" would creep into anyone's mind.  Why do we keep trying?  Because we love our families, because we love peace, because we love the feeling of a clean home, even if it is only for one hour.  I am only one person, and yet I have five other people, six if you include my wonderful husband, but five other people who are like little tornados.  Constantly busy and getting in and out of everything.  It's just tough.  I do have the kids help.  They honestly clean up on a daily basis.  They just haven't learned the concept yet that if you hate cleaning up big messes, then we need to maintain.  Seriously, when my kids learn this lesson, I don't know what will happen, I think I might die of happiness... but with all of it, the ups and the downs, the sickness, the sleepless nights, the tears of complete exhaustion and the tears of complete frustration….  

I wouldn't change my life for anything!  I would not choose to work anywhere but inside my home because my energy and vitality (any that I can muster) needs to be used on my kids.  They are only here for a short period of my life.  It's a tough part, yes, but the most important part.  Anything that is worth anything is hard, and boy is motherhood hard.  I am so proud to be a mom, so proud of my kids!!  They can be over-opinionated at times I guess, but they truly try to do what is right.  I want to give them my best love, my best attention, my best spiritual self, my best everything that I can give them.  I don't succeed all of the time.  Heaven knows I can have a short patience fuse, especially on the days when sleep was less than ideal the night before, or during the times when I KNOW I have told them the same thing for the millionth time…  However, I know they know they are loved.  I know they know their Heavenly Father and Savior love them.  I know they know that their needs will always be met (even if they think they are going to starve after being fed A WHOLE HOUR AGO! Poor kids)  I know they know we will be there for them their whole lives, and I know they are going to grow up to be amazing people who WILL reach their amazing potential.

I know everyone is different.  I know every families' situations are different.  I am writing this to share my thoughts on our life.  To share the gratitude I feel in this life that I am blessed to enjoy.  To hopefully give hope to another mom out there who think other moms just "have it all together all the time" and think that that is the norm.  It's totally not.  When you have little kids running around, it's just not.  I, along with the other mom who wrote the article, applaud all those who do have it together all the time, and it's not wrong to have it together!  That's certainly my goal!  But for those of us who still struggle to keep up with the house, try their darndest to eat well and feed our children well, who struggle to take a daily shower (yup, that's me) and who struggle to feel like their efforts are even noticed, just remember that every single ounce of effort is noticed.  If not by anyone on this planet that we can see, know that it is noticed by our perfect Father in Heaven who is pleased with our triumphs no matter how small they may seem to be.  They are real to Him, and they matter.  The difficulties of trying to raise a family in righteousness are real.  The whole world would tell you how much more we could accomplish outside of our homes.  It would make us feel small, and even foolish to grow our families and to work inside our homes.  Don't let it.  We are not on this planet to have great success outside of the home.  The great plan of Happiness is centered around the family.  How often we forget that detail!!….  Why else would Satan work so hard to try to destroy the family???

Eternal life is eternal families, and eternal happiness with those families.  Why do we worry so much about the causes of this world?  They would all go away if families followed God's plan for them…  

I love my Heavenly Father, I love my Savior, I love my family and am SO extremely thankful for the opportunity to raise them, teach them, and to love them.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, I keep my covenants, and look forward to the day when I can sit in true peace in the Eternal courts above, thankful for each trial and hardship that got myself, my husband, our children, and their children's children all back home.  

This is our family and the reason I do what I do.

There is nothing more fulfilling than that.