These are the Moments....

You know those times when your heart strings are pulled and you are just not sure what you are feeling? Happiness, sadness, pure joy and elation, or heartache?

That's how I feel right now. I think I feel it all. I feel like there is so much to say, but how can I say it all?

I love my kids. How weak that looks to write it, but if you could feel the feelings I feel right now you would know that this love I feel is so great. I cry love tears!

I am sad too because I know there is so much more I wish I did for them, with them, give them. Not material things either, but more of myself. Give them more of me.

I guess we can't dwell on that, it just hurts too much.

All I can do is try harder.

Tonight, I talked with Tai and Ethan about Heavenly Father. It all started because I said something like, "Let me tell you something." in response Tai said, "Can you teach me about Jesus too?" How could I say no to that?

So we talked about the Resurrection, about being good so our family can be together with Heavenly Father, sharing that knowledge so others can have that same joy of being sealed for eternity and not till death do you part. After that Tai asked if we could pray for the bad guys that they would be good so they could be sealed with there families. So he said a prayer in his sweet earnest way, "Heavenly Father pleeease bless the bad guys to be good so they can be like this (he closed his fist real tight) in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." These are the moments..... please may I never forget!

Putting Callen to bed tonight was so hard. How I love that dear child! He's laying there just smiling at me, looking at me, trusting me, grabbing my face as I lean down in his crib to kiss him (which he loves it when I kiss him, he smiles every time!) He'll turn his face towards mine to return the gift. Oh that dear sweet baby.

Do you know. Sometimes when you least expect it, he will just be staring at you.

The other night, we were watching "Gone With the Wind" he and I. He was tucked into my left arm and we were just calmly watching together. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him looking at me so I muted the t.v. and looked down at him. (You have to understand, he was right next to my body, sitting tucked in the crook of my arm. To look at me he literally had to turn his face and look up). It was so cute to see him just staring at me, assessing me. :)

I turned to him and said, "Hi, would you like to talk? I will listen." He smiled at that and was silent another couple of seconds so thinking he wasn't going to say anything, I started to talk but right as I talked, he talked, so I said, "Oooops! Sorry, you go ahead." and he started laughing! Then I started laughing. We laughed together for a good three minutes! It was Heavenly bliss! Then he randomly stopped laughing, and turned to watch the movie. I could not get him to look back at me, (I turned the sound back on at that point because he seemed so grown up that it almost felt rude to keep the sound off with him watching) but he would smile, the little tease! After a few minutes of teasing me, he turned and looked at me again and then we started to laugh some more. Not as much as before, but still. These are the moments!

Evey, she is two and going through that stage..... These are the moments!! :) How I love her though! She is so dear too.

And Derek, my husband, how I dearly cherish you!